Michael Bay 2: Revenge of the Explosions

I have nothing particularly negative to say about "Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen" that the film's most outspoken critics haven't already done a good job of vomiting onto everyone within earshot. While you victims of this heinous crime wash your clothes of their stench, I'll tell you why I enjoyed the movie.

Transformers 2 is porn. It indulges the senses and primal desires of human beings, and, like porn, doesn't need many reasons to do so. To give away part of the plot(because people see Transformers for the plot), Sam, played by Shia Labeouf, finds a piece of the All Spark, a powerful artifact of the Transformers' race(thought to be destroyed at the end of the first movie) with the uncanny ability to turn any machine near it into a potential explosion. This All Spark shard, which, unbenounced to Sam, nests in his beaten up jacket, decides to activate and burns through the second story floor of Sam's house only to stop on the kitchen table, apparently made of impervious mahogany. The Spark then proceeds to activate all the little kitchen appliances which then become mini transformers. The microwave-bot nukes a pack of popcorn, the toaster-bot toasts some bread, and the vacuum cleaner-bot, well, you get the idea. In the midst of mini explosions, Bumblebee comes out and shoots them with his arm cannons, leaving the yard and second floor of Sam's house ruined and on fire. If you replace the robots with people and the explosions with sex, it would be just as ridiculous. The only difference is that the porn's general audience expects that sort of thing to happen, and anyone who saw the first Transformers or the trailers for this one should've expected it, too.

Transformers 2 is a collection of explosions and giant robot fights loosely pieced together with a plot that, quite honestly, exceeded my expectations. It won't win any Academy Awards, but I have a feeling that it isn't trying to. If anything, it takes itself less seriously than the first Transformers, where Optimus Prime reveals the plot in a dramatic, futuristic powerpoint presentation, adorned with explosions and dying robots. In Transformers 2, an ancient decepticon turned rogue begins an anecdotal tale only to be interrupted by another comic relief character telling him to cut it down to facts.

I'll stop myself before this gets too long by saying that I definitely enjoyed the movie. I wanted a ridiculous montage of explosions, and I got it. Anyone who watches this movie for a plot either critiques films professionally or just doesn't remember the original concept of the Transformers franchise(twenty-two minute toy commercials). If the critics got what they wanted, Transformers wouldn't be Transformers at all. It would be something worse - something much, much, much worse.